


South Park: The Boys Are Big, 15 Years Later

by moviefan_92



Category: South Park
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Attempt at Humor, Awkward Romance, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Crimes & Criminals, Drama, Drama & Romance, Epic Friendship, Eventual Romance, F/M, Friends to Enemies, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Humor, Humorous Ending, Inappropriate Humor, Male Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Marriage Proposal, Parody, Romance, Sexual Humor, Slow Romance, Some Humor, south park - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-18 15:41:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16997838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moviefan_92/pseuds/moviefan_92
Summary: The boys are grown up and are struggling with their everyday lives. Stan is in love with Wendy but unable to tell her how he feels. A group of thieves rob a bank, leaving the boys broke, but determine to get their money back.Humor/Friendship/Crime/Drama/Romance/Parody. Pairings: Stan and Wendy. Rated M for intense language use.STORY COMPLETE





	South Park: The Boys Are Big, 15 Years Later

**Author's Note:**

> (A/N: This is an old one, and thus a little cringy. I originally wrote this when I was first getting into South Park. I decided to write about what the boys would be like grown up. So here you go. It's not one of my better stories, but oh well.)
> 
> Disclaimer: Oh my god, I don't own South Park! You bastard!

**Originally posted on 12-11-06 at: _<https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3284688/1/South-Park-The-Boys-Are-Big-15-Years-Later>_**

 

 

 

**" South Park: The Boys Are Big, 15 Years Later"**

The sun rises, shining light on an apartment. Inside the apartment, the light fills the room, and an alarm clock goes off. Inside the room there are four beds. The ringing alarm clock sits on a dresser by one of the beds. Someone reaches out from the bed and turns off the alarm clock. Then they get out of bed. It's a 24 year old Stan Marsh. Besides being bigger he looks the same as he did when he was 9, except for a beard and mustache.

"Come on guys we gotta go to work." said Stan.

"Man I'm still tired." said Kyle getting up.

Kyle too looked the same as he did as a kid. Except he had a haircut, so it doesn't look like he has a bush on his head.

"Yeah, it's too early for this shit." said  the currently hoodless Kenny. He has the same messy blond hair, and a mustache.

The three of them get dressed. They wear the same clothes they wore as kids; only now they're larger.

"Come on Cartman, we're gonna be late." said Stan.

"No, I'm still tired." whined Eric.

"So are we, it's fucking 6:00." snapped Kyle.

"Screw you guys, I'm going to sleep." said Eric.

"Et up Artman, you azy ass." came Kenny's  muffled reply from behind his hood.

"Suck my balls." said Eric.

"Come on Cartman. I've been counting up our savings, and after today's paycheck, we'll have enough money to buy those houses we've wanted." said Stan.

Eric jumped out of bed. He had the same brown hair, a big bushy mustache, and if it was possible he was a little fatter.

"Ah yes! Kick fucking ass!" shouted Eric.

He reached onto a desk drawer and picked up some glasses and put them on. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny laugh.

"Shut the fuck up!" shouted Eric.

"Sorry dude." said Stan. "Come on, we better go."

(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)

The boys are walking outside to work. They pass four houses. Two are on the right side of the street, the other two on the left.

"After today, we'll be able to buy those houses." said Kyle.

"Don't forget, I get the biggest one." said Eric.

"You'll need the extra room, fat ass." said Kyle.

"Fuck you!" cried Eric.

"Stop it you guys." said Stan. "We all know which houses we're getting. Kyle and I are getting the houses on the right, Kenny and Cartman are getting the ones on the left. Ok lets go."

(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)

The boys enter a building. There's lots of other people in there. Some of them are their old childhood friends grown up.

"Hi fellas." said Butters.

The grown up Butters has a big mohawk and a very big busy mustache.

"Hey Butters." said Stan.

"You wanna hang out after work?" asked Butters.

"We don't hang with janitors, Butters." said Eric.

"Oh, uh, ok then. I'll see you around." said Butters. "Hey maybe when I get promoted we can hang out?"

"Yeah right, my balls we will." Eric muttered quietly as he and the boys walked off.

(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)

The boys are working at their desks on computers. Or at least three of them are.

"Yes! Sweet! Ah, kick ass! Yeah!" said Eric.

He's playing a video game on the computer.

"Cartman what the hell are you doing?" asked Kyle.

"Playing  _'Alien Killer',_ duh." replied Eric, not even looking at him.

"You've been playing that for the past three weeks." said Kyle. "You're not gonna get paid for playing a game."

"I know that dick face." said Eric. "That's why I tapped your file and copied your work."

"You what?" cried Kyle, outraged.

"Yeah, and if I'm bored I'll sometimes delete some of your work." said Eric.

"You dick! No wonder I'm so far behind." said Kyle.

"Kiss my black ass." said Eric.

"I should report you." said Kyle.

"Don't be such a pussy, Kyle." said Eric. "Is that how you deal with your problems. By telling on them. Grow the hell up. Besides don't you have work to do?"

"Screw you, fat ass." said Kyle.

"No screw you." replied Eric.

"Shh, guys, here comes the boss." said Stan.

Token walked up to them. He was the same as a kid, except he was big and bald.

"Hey guys, here's your weekly pay check." said Token. "Oh and Cartman, good job on that last report. But wasn't last weeks robbery supposed to be yours Kyle."

"Yeah, but since I was so far ahead and Kyle was so far behind, I decided to do it." said Eric.

"Well keep up the good work. Since they never caught the thieves, I'm sure we'll hear more on them." said Tolken. "Kyle you better keep up, or I'm going to have to cut your pay."

Eric flipped Kyle the middle finger then went back to his game.

"Can you believe that bastard?" said Kyle.

Stan didn't answer.

"Stan?" asked Kyle.

"It's her." said Stan.

"Who?" asked Kyle.

"Wendy Testaburger." replied Stan.

"Oh her." said Kyle.

"Why on't ou o alk to er?" said Kenny.

"I can't, I'll just end up throwing up on her again." said Stan.

"Don't you think she's used to it by now?" asked Kyle.

"Just stop being such a pussy and go talk to her." said Eric. "Just walk up to her, hold in your guts and say: 'Listen up, tonight you and I are going out. We're gonna go to the movies, have dinner, then go back to my room and fuck'."

"Dude, I am not saying that!" cried Stan.

"That's what Chef does." said Eric.

"He does not say that." said Stan.

"That's not what he  _says_ , but it's what he  _does_." said Eric. "Besides what's the difference whether you say it or do it? It works either way."

"It does not." said Kyle.

"Oh yeah, watch." said Eric.

He walked up to Wendy. She looked the same as a kid, but with longer hair.

"Hey hot stuff." said Eric real smoothly.

"What do you want Cartman?" asked Wendy.

"What do I want?" repeated Eric, in the same smooth voice. "I'll tell you what I want. I want you and me to go out tonight. We can go to the movies, and make out through the whole thing, go have dinner together at Raisins, so we can eat while having those chicks stick their asses in our faces, then we can go to my place and fuck for the rest of the night. What do you say?"

Wendy stared at him with her mouth open.

"What's wrong bitch? Is that too much for one night?" said Eric, going back to hit snobby attitude. "We can skip all that and go straight to the fucking if you want."

Wendy answered him by kicking him in the balls.

"Oh, fuck me shit!" cried Eric. "Ah damn, what the fucking hell is wrong with you, dildo. Ah, shit, shit, shit. Oh my damn. My fucking balls."

"Grow up Cartman, you damn baby!" shouted Wendy. "You should know not to fuck with Wendy Testaburger!"

She stormed off leaving Eric in his pain. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny came up to Eric.

"Told you it wouldn't work." said Kyle.

"Damn Stan. Seriously now, there is something wrong with your bitch." said Eric.

The bell rings.

"Lunch time." said Stan.

"Hey, maybe Chef will know what to do, about you and Wendy." said Kyle.

"Hey, yeah. Lets go." exclaimed Stan, and the three of them walked off, leaving Eric behind moaning in pain.

"You guys. Seriously now." whined Eric. "Oh screw you guys."

(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)

"Hello, boys." said Chef.

"Hey, Chef." they all said together.

Chef's beard, mustache, and hair had turned gray over the years.

"How are things?" asked Chef.

"Great!" exclaimed Kyle.

"Really? There's nothing wrong? Everything is ok?" asked Chef amazed. "Wow this is a rare moment. Nothing is wrong."

"Yeah, we got enough money to buy our houses." said Kyle.

"That's good." said Chef. "Well move along boys, your holding up the line."

"Actually Chef, there is a little problem." said Stan.

"Damn it!" said Chef. "I knew it was too good to be true. I thought I was going to have one day, without having to worry about anything."

"It's Wendy." said Stan. "I can't talk to her."

"Yeah, he throws up on her very time he tries." said Eric.

"Shut up, Cartman!" cried Stan.

"What? You know its true." said Eric. "I remember that one time you and her were kissing, and you threw up right in her mouth. That was the greatest."

"Shut up, fat ass." shouted Stan.

"Don't call me fat, bitch fucker." shouted Eric.

"Now, now boys. There's no need for that kind of language." said Chef.

"Well Chef. What can I do?" asked Stan.

"Oh boys, it seems only yesterday that you were still children with all your little problems." said Chef. "Here let me sing you a little song.  _I'm gonna make love to ya, woman. Gonna lay ya down by the fire baby_. _I'm gonna make love to ya all night long_.  _I'm gonna give you action like you've never seen before_. _"_

"Chef." interrupted Stan.

" _I'm gonna make you squeal like a piggy."_

"Chef."

" _I'm gonna make you howl like a dog."_

"Chef!"

" _I'm gonna make you crow like a roaster."_

"CHEF!"

"Huh, what?" said Chef, coming back to reality.

"That doesn't help me be able to talk to Wendy." said Stan.

"Oh, hmm, well. Why don't you try not eating all day then talk to her?" suggested Chef.

"I tried that." said Stan. "I just threw up stomach bile."

Eric started laughing and Stan hit him.

"Oh, well. Next time you throw up just swallow it." said Chef.

"I did that too." said Stan. "It just came out my nose."

"Oh… Hmm… Well Stan, I don't think I can help you this time." said Chef. "You're just gonna have to try to hold in your gut."

"Thanks Chef." said Stan with a sigh.

"No problem." replied Chef.

The four of them sat down at a lunch table.

"I can't believe I'm 26 years old and I still throw up when I see Wendy." said Stan.

"Yeah, and ever since you reached puberty, you also have a wet dream ever time you see her." said Eric.

"Shut up, Cartman!" shouted Stan.

"You know it's true. You know it's true." mocked Eric in a sing-song voice.

"Shut the hell up. It is not." said Stan.

"Oh yeah, here's your chance to prove it." said Eric.

"Hey guys." said Wendy. "Hi Stan."

Stan threw up all over Wendy.

"Ew, gross." cried Wendy.

"What, aren't you used to it by now?" asked Eric.

"Do you want me to kick your ass again?" shouted Wendy.

"I dare you, bitch!" cried Eric.

Wendy accepted his dare and punched him in the mouth.

"Fuck you, Cartman." said Wendy, then she turned back to Stan. "By Stan."

As she walked away Stan threw up on the back of her head.

"Ew." cried Wendy.

"I said it before and I'll say it again." said Eric. "There is something seriously wrong with your bitch."

"Stop calling her a bitch." said Stan.

"Hey man, there's no denying it." said Eric. "She's a total bitch. But at least she's not the bitch king like Kyle's mom. She's the bitch of the bitches."

"Don't pull my mom into this." said Kyle.

"Aw, the bitch's baby is getting all pissy." said Eric.

The bell rang again.

"Come on you guys. Time to get back to work." said Stan.

The four of them got up and left the lunchroom.

"Hi fellas." said Butters.

"Oh, son-of-a-bitch." Eric whispered in annoyance, before turning to face the janitor. "Hi Butters

"Enjoy you lunch?" asked Butters.

"Yes, very much, Butters." said Eric. "Now if you'll excuse us, we need to get back to work, and so do you. And you had better get to work in the men's room. I took the all time biggest shit. In fact I ended up using three stalls, and they're all clogged, and have my shit flowing over the edges."

"Oh, uh, ok, I'll get to work on it right away." said Butters.

"Good. And refill the toilet paper too." said Eric walking away. "I ended up using all of it, and I still have some shit caked to my ass."

"Ok thanks, I… I think." called Butters after them.

"Poor guy. He'll be up all night cleaning that up." said Kyle.

"Screw all night." said Eric. "It will take at least four or five days to clean it up. Anyone that goes in there will probably think an elephant used those stalls."

(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)

Later that day, the boys come out of work.

"That was the longest day at work ever." said Stan.

"At east e ave the oney e eed." said Kenny.

"You're right. We do have the money we need." said Stan. "Let's go cash in these checks and go buy those houses."

So off they went to the bank.

"Oh, son-of-a-bitch! Look at this line!" moaned Eric. "It goes on forever. And on all the fucking days too."

"Chill out Cartman." said Stan. "We can wait a little longer."

"Hey Stan, there's Wendy." said Kyle.

"Where?" exclaimed Stan.

"Over there." replied Kyle, pointing to another line.

Stan stood there with his mouth open.

"Uh, oh. Stan's popping a boner." said Eric.

"Shut up, Cartman." said Stan.

"Hey Wendy, come here." said Kyle.

"Dude, what the hell are you doing?" cried Stan.

"I'm gonna get you over this fear." said Kyle.

"Hi guys. What's up?" said Wendy.

Stan turned his head away from her and threw up all over Eric.

"Oh, fucking weak!" cried Eric.

"Cartman, shh." said Kyle. "Come on man. Talk to her."

Stan stood there mouth open.

"I… I…" muttered Stan.

"Oh great. He bought a vowel." said Eric.

"H-Hi, Wen-Wendy." said Stan.

"Doing good." whispered Kyle.

"What are doing?" asked Wendy.

"Just cashing in a few checks." said Stan. "I have enough money to buy that house I've been wanting."

"He's playing with himself, look at his pants." whispered Eric. "And he thinks no one will notice because his hand is in his pocket."

"Be cool, dude." replied Kyle.

"That's good." said Wendy. "Which houses are you getting?"

"One of those four that are for sale a few miles away." answered Stan.

"Really, well I'm afraid I have some bad news for you." said a voice behind them. They turned around to find a familiar, yet unrecognizable face.

"Who are you?" asked Stan.

"Oh, you don't recognize me Stan." replied the man. "It's me, Gregory. Don't you remember? I just got back from my world tore and decided to return to South Park. And guess what, I'm filthy stinking rich. I'm so rich that I'm gonna buy all four of those houses that are for sale."

"What? Why?" cried Stan.

"So I can knock them down, and build a big mansion in their place." said Gregory.

"You can't." said Stan. "The four of use have been saving up to buy those houses."

"Yeah, ass hole." said Eric.

"You can watch me you  _-beep-_   **(A/N: Not an actual word, just the _-beep-_** **noise for gag purposes)**." said Gregory.

"Hey Kenny, what's a  _-beep-_?" asked Kyle.

"I on't ow." said Kenny, shrugging his shoulders.

"Dude, please build your mansion somewhere else." begged Stan. "We just now got enough money."

"Oh well." said Gregory. "I'm still going to buy those houses. And I'm so rich, I can out buy you four losers any day."

"This… this can't be happening." said Stan. "Not when we so close."

Eric got right up into Gregory's face.

"You buy those houses, and I'll fucking kill you, ass hole." threatened Eric. "I'm serious naw; I'll kick you square in the nuts!"

"You lay one finger on me, and I'll sue you and your whole damn family for every penny its got." said Gregory.

At that moment the doors to the bank burst open, and four people dressed in black and wearing ski masks came into the bank. They took out guns.

"Nobody move, or I'll blow your fucking brains out." said the first man.

"Who the hell are you?" asked Eric.

"We're the B.O.N.E.R.s" said the second man.

"The boners?" asked Kyle.

"Not boners." replied the third man. "The B.O.N.E.R.s. It stands for  _'Burglars Of Nearly Everyone Rich'."_

"That's the best name you could come up with?" asked Stan.

"Shut up, mother fucker." shouted the second man.

"Yeah, this is a stick up." said the fourth man.

"What are you the thieves that hit the bank last week?" asked Kyle.

"You got that right. Now gives us all the cash." said the third man.

"You're not touching my money." said Gregory.

In reply the first burglar shot Gregory.

"Oh my god, they killed Gregory!" exclaimed Stan.

"Good." said Eric. "That ass hole was going to take our houses."

"Yeah, but we didn't want him dead." said Stan.

"Shut up!" cried the first man. "Now put the money in the bag."

Tweek, who was the one behind the counter, took the bag and began filling it with money.

"Tweek you better not give him any of my money." shouted Eric.

"We're taking all the money, punk" said the fourth man. "Put it all in the bag."

"Ah, this is too much presser!" cried Tweek. "Here take it. Take it and go away."

"Thank you." said the first man. "Now we'll be on our way."

Just then Officer Barbrady came into the bank.

"Ok people move along, there's nothing to see here." said Barbrady.

"Oh, shit. It's the cops." said the third man.

The first man grabbed Wendy and put the gun to her head.

"Wendy!" cried Stan.

"Follow us and I'll blow her fucking head off." said the first man.

"Let me go. Stan help." cried Wendy.

"Don't worry Wendy I'll find you." cried Stan.

(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)

The boys are in their apartment watching "Terrance and Phillip" on TV. Both of them are bald, and Terrance is still fat.

"Hey Terrance, what are you if you drink 12 glasses of water, 9 glasses of grape juice, 7 glasses of apple juice, and 10 glasses of lemonade?" asked Phillip.

"I don't know Phillip, what?" asked Terrance.

Phillip jumps up and farts in Terrance's face. Both laugh.

"You farted in my face Phillip." said Terrance.

"I sure did Terrance." replied Phillip.

"I'm gonna fart in your mouth for that." said Terrance.

"Not if I fart in yours first." replied Phillip.

"Come over here so I can fart on you." said Terrance.

"What if I won't?" asked Phillip.

"Then I'm gonna fart on your grave." replied Terrance.

"You already did Terrance." said Phillip. "Remember the smell was so bad, it brought me back to life?"

"Oh yeah." said Terrance.

Both laugh again.

"Wasn't it a little something like this?" asked Terrance.

He jumps up and farts in Phillip's face.

"No, it was more like this." said Phillip.

He farts in Terrance's face.

"Oh, you mean like this?" said Terrance.

He farts in Phillip's face, and Phillip goes flying.

"Yes, yes, that's it exactly." said Phillip.

They both laugh.

"Oh, no Phillip. I think I just shit myself." said Terrance.

"Really, right now?" asked Phillip.

"Yup, now I have a brown ass." replied Terrance.

Both laugh again.

Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Eric aren't amused.

"I can't fucking believe it!" shouted Kyle. "We were so fucking close. We fucking had the fucking money we needed in our fucking hands!"

"Dude the money is a bummer, but what about Wendy?" said Stan.

"Screw the bitch!" shouted Eric. "We've been working our asses of to earn that money. Then some fucking guys that call themselves the B.O.N.E.R.s take it all away from us."

"We can always get more money, Cartman." said Stan. "But if they kill Wendy…"

"Ey ere only aking er ostage." said Kenny.

"I know they were only taking her hostage." said Stan. "But I'm still worried."

"Oh son-of-a-bitch." said Eric. "Stan, for just one damn second, stop thinking with your dick, and help us figure out what to do about the money."

At that moment the doorbell rang.

"Get the door Kenny." said Eric.

"You et it." said Kenny.

"You're closer." said Eric.

"O I'm ot." said Kenny.

"Damn it Kenny, just get the damn door!" shouted Eric.

"Ass ole." said Kenny, getting up to get the door.

"Screw you too." shot Eric.

Kenny opened the door. It was their parents.

"Kyle, are you ok?" cried Mrs. Broflowski.

Her hair was now gray.

"Look over there." said Eric. "It's a turd, it's a pain, no it's super bitch."

"Shut up, Cartman." cried Kyle.

"Oh Stanley, your father and I were so worried, when we heard you were caught in that robbery." said Mrs. Marsh.

She looked the same, but Mr. Marsh had shaved his mustache, and was going bald.

"Yeah son, we thought you might have gotten hurt." said Mr. Marsh

"I totally freaked out when we heard someone was killed." said Mr. Broflowski.

"Yeah, some rich jerk off got killed for not letting them take his money." said Kyle.

"We thought it might have been Kenny." said Mrs. McCormic.

"It wouldn't have surprised us." said Mr. McCormic.

"What happened?" asked Miss Cartman.

"What do you mean, what happened?" said Kyle. "Some crooks came, and stole all the money in the bank."

"They also kidnapped Wendy." said Stan.

"Wendy? You mean your little girlfriend?" said Mr. Marsh.

"Yeah, they took her hostage so they could get away." said Stan.

"Well what are you gonna do about it?" asked Stan's grandfather, coming into the room.

"Hi grandpa." said Stan.

"Holy shit dude!" said Eric. "Your grandfather is  _still_  alive? Damn, shouldn't he have aged into dust by now?"

"Shut up, Cartman." said Stan.

"Dad, what do you mean, what's he gonna do about it?" asked Mr. Marsh.

"Everybody out. I need to have a talk with Billy here." said Stan's grandfather.

Everyone left the room, leaving Stan and his grandfather alone.

"So, what are you going to do?" asked Stan's grandfather.

"What do you mean?" asked Stan. "What can I do?"

"If someone goes and steals your girl, you don't just sit back and say  _'the hell with it. Let the police take care of it'._ " said Stan's grandfather.

"That's not what I said." said Stan.

"You get off your ass and find your girl." said Stan's grandfather.

"But I don't know where to look." said Stan.

"Their hideout is in that old warehouse." said Stan's grandfather. "You know the one that's all old and falling apart. No one has been in there for years."

"Then how do you know?" asked Stan.

"That's always where thieves and killers and all those kinds of people hang out." said Stan's grandfather.

"Even if you're right, what can I do?" asked Stan.

"There comes a time in every man's life, when he needs to make a choice." said Stan's grandfather. "Even if there's nothing he can do, even if it means he'll get killed, he still has to do what's right. Just think on that, Billy. Just think on that."

(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)

Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Eric are sneaking by some houses.

"Come on you guys, the warehouse is just around here." said Stan.

"I can't believe you talked me into doing this." said Kyle.

"A man's gotta do, what a man's gotta do." said Stan.

"Yeah, but did we have you bring Cartman?" asked Kyle. "He's slowing us down."

"We're all in this together." replied Stan.

"Well he better hurry up." said Kyle.

"Yeah, well lets see how fast you run with all these muscles." said Eric.

"Those aren't muscles, Cartman" said Kyle. "That's your fat."

"Hey, I don't have to stand for this." said Eric.

"I'm surprised you can stand at all." said Kyle.

"All right, you know what, screw you guys, I'm going home." cried Eric.

"Cartman, come on man, we-" began Stan.

"No, screw you guys, home." interrupted Eric.

"Fine, but you won't get your money back." said Stan.

Eric stopped.

"Oh, damn you Stan." said Eric. "Alright lets go."

"You're not going anywhere, mother fuckers." said a voice.

The boys turned around. It was the second man from the robbery.

"Oh shit." said Stan.

"Shit is right, bitch." said the second man. "And you're in deep shit. Very, very deep shit. I'm taking you to the boss. Lets go."

He led them into the warehouse. There were six other people in the room. Make that seven if you include:

"Stan." cried Wendy.

"Wendy." cried back Stan.

"Never mind her." said one of the men.

He stepped into the light. And it was none other than…

"BUTTERS!" cried Stan.

"Hello, Stan." said Butters.

"You're the boss?" said Kyle.

"That's right." replied Butters. "And it's not Butters anymore. The name is Professor Chaos! Bwa, ha, ha, ha, ha."

He was wearing a new Professor Chaos suit, making him look like he did on  _'Good Times With Weapons'_. He was also wearing an eye patch on his left eye.

"Never did you think that the nice, kind, friendly Butters was a criminal mastermind all along." said Butters. "This is my partner, General Disarray."

He pointed to his partner in crime. He too had a new outfit.

"And these are my minions in crime. The B.O.N.E.R.s." said Butters.

"I'm gonna fucking kill you!" shouted Eric.

He charged at Butters, but was immediately grabbed by two of the B.O.N.E.R.s.

"Take their weapons." said Butters.

The B.O.N.E.R.s searched they and took their weapons. If you can really call them that. Stan had a pocketknife, Kyle had a slingshot, Kenny had a bat, and Eric had a remote of some kind. Butters took them.

"What the hell is this?" asked Butters holding up Eric's remote.

"I stole that from the president years ago when I got all the adults drunk, and tried to win that war to get Stan and Kyle to be my slaves."

"Oh yeah, I remember that." said Stan.

"Well what is it?" asked Butters.

"It's that button that the president pushes to launch nuclear bombs." replied Eric.

"Dude!" cried Stan.

"What?" asked Eric.

"Alright enough of this." said Butters. "Kill them."

Four of the B.O.N.E.R.s started shooting. Kenny got caught in the crossfire, and dropped down dead.

"Oh my god, they killed Kenny!" cried Stan.

"You bastard!" cried Kyle.

"And now your next." said Butters.

"No, wait!" cried Eric. "We want to make a deal."

"Go on." said Butters curiously. "What will you do for us?"

"I'll tell you what I'll do." said Eric, then began singing and dancing.  _"I will do the German dance for you_. _It's fun and gay, and tra-la-la_. _I hope that you enjoy my dance, fiddly-iddly-ie-a_. _"_

"That's it?" asked Butters.

"Yeah, why?" said Eric.

"Kill them." said Butters.

"Wait, wait, how can you do this?" asked Kyle.

"Isn't that just like you to ask something like that?" replied Butters.

"What do you mean?" asked Kyle.

"It was you three." said Butters. "I was once a nice guy. The nicest as they come. But you, you always teased me. Always made fun of me. You cast me out. Then when Kenny died, you asked me to be your new friend. Until you got tired of me, and kicked me out of the gang, and replaced me with Tweek. Ever since then I became, Professor Chaos."

"Damn Butters chill out." said Stan.

"Yeah, I know we were mean to you, but you don't have to be a little dip shit about it." said Eric.

"But that wasn't enough for you was it?" Butters continued. "That one day when you guys bought those weapons, you threw a ninja star into my left eye, blinding me there."

"First of all that, was an accident." said Stan. "And second of all, Kenny did that."

"Well now it doesn't matter." said Butters. "You're all gonna die."

"That's what you think." said Stan. "But I have a surprise for you."

He reached into his pocket and took out the V-Chip.

"What the hell is that?" asked Butters.

"This is the V-Chip." replied Stan. "It was inserted into Cartman years ago to stop him from swearing."

"Hey, I remember that piece of shit." said Eric. "It shocked me every time I said a bad word. Then it broke and started shooting of huge blasts of electricity. By I threw that damn thing out."

"I took it." said Stan. "After seeing how you shocked the hell out of Saddam Hussen, I thought it might be useful."

"Enough of this." said Butters. "Number One kill them."

The first man from the robbery shot his gun.

"Feel the power of the V-Chip." said Stan. "Dick, ass, bitch, cock sucker."

Huge bolts of electricity came out of the V-Chip. The electricity hit the bullets, making them explode.

"The hell?" cried the first man.

"Shit, bastard, hippy, mother, pussy licking, dick head!" cried Stan.

The electricity hit the first man sending him flying.

"What the fuck!" cried Butters.

"What's wrong Butters?" asked Stan. "Not up to the power of the V-Chip? Lets see what your men make of it. Dick fucking, boner biting, bitch beating, ass licker!"

The electricity hit the remaining B.O.N.E.R.s, knocking them out.

"No!" cried Butters. "This can't be happening. Quick, General Disarray, get them."

"No way man." replied General Disarray, who started to run away. "Retreat, retreat."

"You're not going anywhere." said Stan. "Feel the power of my Thunder Ball Attack. Shit fucking, bitch humping, dick sucker!"

He threw a ball of electricity at the retreating General Disarray. The ball hit him, sending him flying.

"And now for you, Butters." said Stan.

"NOOOOOO!" shouted Butters.

"Prepare to feel the full extent of my wrath." said Stan. "Fuck, shit, dick, ass, bitch, damn, bastard, cock, piss, boner, hippy, whore, pussy, jerk off, BARNEY THE DINOSAUR!"

The electricity hit Butters in the chest and threw him into the wall, where Butters fell unconscious.

"Alright Stan! You did it!" cheered Kyle.

"Stan! Over here!" cried Wendy.

Stan went over to her and untied her.

"Are you alright?" asked Stan.

"Yeah, I am now." replied Wendy.

"Hey look. Here's all the stolen money." said Eric.

"Good, now we can by our houses." said Stan.

At that moment the door burst open, and a squad of police men came in.

"Alright people move along, there's nothing to see here." said Barbrady.

"Good job boys. We'll take it from here." said an officer, and led them outside.

"So it was you all along, Butters." said Barbrady. "I should have known."

"And I would have gotten away with it too." said Butters. "If not for you medaling kids, and your dumb dog."

"I'm Scooby Dooby Doo." howled Scooby Doo.

"Like you said it Scoob." said Shaggy.

"What the? Where the hell did you come from?" said Kyle. "Get the fuck out of here. We figured out this mystery."

Shaggy snorted. "Fine. Come on Scoob, we're not wanted."

The two turned to leave. As they were crossing the street, Scooby gets hit by a car. Shaggy looks around when he notices he's not there.

"Scooby Doo, where are you?" Shaggy cries.

"I am so glad that this is over with." said Eric.

Wendy literally throws herself at Stan screaming. "You saved me Stan! You saved me! Thank you so much!"

"No problem." said Stan. "And since I'm holding my gut in, I might as well ask you now. Will you marry me?"

"Of course I will." replied Wendy.

"Really, you will?" said Stan.

"You bet your sweet ass." said Wendy.

"Yes!" cheered Stan.

"Wow, who could have seen that coming?" said Kyle.

"Kyle man come on. They been boyfriend and girlfriend since they were like eight." said Eric. "Geez get with the times, you shit fucking, dumb ass."

"Screw you, Cartman. You manhood munching, boner biter." cried Kyle.

"No screw you." said Eric. "In fact, screw all you. I'm just glad to have gotten my money back."

"Yeah, what a happy ending." said Kyle.

" _Everything worked out, what a happy end_. _"_  sang Chef. _"Peace has been restored to South Park again_. _So let's all join hands and knock oppression down!"_

" _Don't you know that our lives are now complete_. _"_  sang Kyle and Eric.

" _We're_   _gonna make a couple so sweet_. _"_  sang Stan and Wendy.

" _Super Sweet!"_  cried Wendy.

Everyone in South Park starts singing.  _"Thank god we live in this quiet, little, puissant, red neck, Podunk, jerkwater, greenhorn, one-horse mud hole, peckerwood, right-wing, whistle-stop hobnail, truck-driving, old-fashioned, hayseed inbred, unkempt, out-of-date, out-of-touch, white-trash_ - _"_

" _Kick-Ass-"_  cried Stan, Kyle, and Eric.

Everyone sings.  _"Mountain Town!"_

 

**THE END**  

**Author's Note:**

> (A/N: So, who liked it, and who didn't? Good or bad, I want reviews… please. Like I said, this is a really old story, so it's not as good as my current writing, but I'd still like feedback.)


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